Thursday, March 27, 2014

This Meme And Hockey Naval Gazing


When I saw this, I thought "haha, funny; hockey players are badass!" but the hockey community at large, being who they are, managed to make it this huge soul-searching self-flagellating THING and spent the next three days asking each other questions on the Internet like Is this meme implying hockey is better than basketball? Is this meme indicative of hockey's deep inferiority complex? Is this meme racist? Why is hockey so mean to other sports? Isn't this celebrating the response of a guy too out of it to realize he just DIED and was brought back to life? Is that ok? How bad do leg cramps hurt anyway? Have YOU ever had a leg cramp? What's really important anyway?* Then there was the predictable backlash from people who thought that just maybe we were all taking two pictures with some captions added a little too seriously? Maybe? All in good fun guys? And then the back-backlash from people saying OH SO YOU DON'T TAKE RACISM SERIOUSLY. And then (thankfully) everyone lost interest and went on to be outraged about whatever happened the next week. (I say "thankfully" not because I don't take racism seriously, but because, like the boy who cried wolf, hockey fans are always up in arms about some desperately important issue of identity and morality and clarity and next week we'll have a new one and so it's hard to take totally seriously.)

I ask in all honesty, because I have no real experience: do fans of other sports spend as much time being outraged about things as hockey fans? I don't mean as individual fan bases being outraged about things their teams are doing, since that's just a central feature of fandom; I mean collectively, as fans of the sport in general. Hockey fans get together to be morally outraged about things on a weekly basis, including but not limited to: the shootout, how many outdoor games there are, how PK Subban has been treated, concussion protocols, someone's Twitter feed, the loser point, three lockouts in twenty years, staged fights, lack of coach's challenge, Ilya Kovalchuk, poor officiating, whatever Don Cherry said last night, suspensions that are too long, suspensions that are too short, Martin St. Louis demanding a trade, someone sucker punching someone else, celebrating goals too much, delay of game penalties for accidentally putting the puck over the glass in the defensive zone, line brawls, people who claim someone is celebrating goals too much, and whatever the rule is that influenced the last questionable goal that may or may not have been counted in a game that may or may not have been meaningful. For reference, that's only like three weeks worth of outrage. It's exhausting. 

*Answers: Yes. Yes. Sadly, to some subset of posters, yes ("Every group has its demons, Leo." "You don't have to tell me, Reverend. I'm a member of the Democratic Party."); but to others, one hopes the majority, no. See above re: inferiority complex. He still knew what period it was supposed to be. It's still pretty awesome. Pretty bad, I guess? No. Family, friends, LOVE, the children**.

 **In another two months some dude will be playing for the Stanley Cup with a broken leg or broken ribs or a punctured lung (hi patrice bergeron!) and we'll all lionize him and forget this ever happened.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

More Lyrics Peeves

In this space I have complained about Katie and Kanye's creepy alien rape song, Train's inability to say goodbye, Adele's shaky comprehension of weather phenomena, etc. Today's problematic lyrics belong to Green River Ordinance's song "Endlessly". It's the one that starts "She is my rock and my rolling thunder". Um, what? "Rock", ok, that's a pretty standard metaphor for someone who's important to you. I'm good with that. But "rolling thunder"? "She is my massive aeriel bombardment of North Vietnam (1965-1968)"? Or, on a more naturalistic front, "She is my ominous warning of an impending violent storm"? I DON'T FOLLOW, GREEN RIVER ORDINANCE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND METAPHORS AT ALL OR DO YOU JUST LIKE ALLITERATION?