Friday, August 9, 2013

15 Things That Should Never Change In The NHL

Read this:

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/70866/how-wed-keep-it-the-same-15-things-that-should-never-change-in-the-nhl

Then this:

1. The only thing better than the current goalie masks are the old terrifying white Jason masks. The only problem with them is they don't do very much to actually protect a goalie's face, so we'll stick with the ones we've got.

2. The only thing worse than the banality of many NHL traditions would be the lack of them.

3. It is The Best Trophy, and maybe The Best Thing. Oh the depravity that has gone on with/on the cup. Oh the foods and beverages that have been consumed out of it. Oh the dogs and babies that have been put into it.

4. Omg yes. I will stay up until 2 am to watch a quadruple overtime game even if it's two teams I couldn't care less about and the quality of hockey is terrible because the players are so exhausted they can barely skate. I will relish every shot of fans' sleeping children and grumpy coaches and players who look like they would give up half their salary to be able to go to bed and also maybe have a cheeseburger. It is the best.

5. THE ENIGMATIC RUSSIANS oh they are SO enigmatic. Churchill is rolling over in his grave. With delight or annoyance at the overuse of this trope? Who knows.

6. You can swear on HBO (and boy, do they ever) so it's clearly the most accurate.

7. There should be a tumblr of awkward NHL draft photos except that it would just consist of all NHL draft photos taken, ever.

8. Soldier Field next year!

9. Star looking intense. Coaches clenching their jaws. Slow motion footage of guys getting drilled into the boards. Slow motion bleeding. Slow motion flags. Guitar solo.

10. One time, the coach of the Vancouver Canucks said that Dave Bolland had a face only a mother could love. This was after Dave Bolland accused the Canucks stars, identical twins the Sedins, of sleeping in bunk beds. Hockey rivalries are the best.

11. Last year, they sent Darcy Kuemper to the airport with all his gear but they didn't tell him what city he was supposed to be going to. He just had to hang out at MSP until they called and told him. Trade deadline day is awesome.

12. Don't let the celly haters get you down, Nail. Go ahead and slide around on the ice. You're 19 and richer than I'll ever be.

13. I want a TEEMU FOREVER tshirt. I would wear it all the time.

14. If they stopped changing things, what would we have to be disproportionatly upset about? The internet is full of people saying things like "IF THEY GO TO HYBRID ICING HOCKEY WILL HAVE LOST ALL MEANING AND ALSO LIFE TOO AND I'D BE TOO DEPRESSED TO LIVE." Or "THE LOSER POINT IS THE BIGGEST TRAVESTY TO EVER BE ENACTED BY HUMANKIND INCLUDING ALL WARS IT MAKES ME LITERALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH EVERYTIME I SEE A REFERENCE TO IT AND THEN I START DOUBTING WHETHER THERE IS ACTUALLY ANY GOOD IN THE WORLD AT ALL."

15. See #14.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Eagle's Nest

This is the Eagle's Nest, Hitler's Alpine retreat near Berchtesgaden. I'm reading a book about saving Italy's art treasures during the war. It isn't very good, but it does mention Eagle's Nest at several points and this brought back some memories.


As a place used by and built specifically for perhaps the most reviled dictator in all of history, one imagines it is generally approached with historic interest and a rather horrifed solemnity. My own feelings on the place are, however, a bit more complex, as when I was taken there as a small child, I was allowed to eat an entire Snickers bar by myself for the very first time. I don't remember why, specifically. One imagines some combination of inadequate cafe facilities and extreme hunger, with quite possibly some whining thrown in. I was only about four and never allowed candy, so you can imagine that this was EXTREMELY significant. I don't remember much about the consumption of the Snickers bar itself, just the enormity of the thought that it was all mine. I didn't know the word, but the event was truly unprecedented in my (admittedly limited) experience. I also remember running about on the observation platforms (as you can see from the picture, the platforms give out on a drop that is pretty much straight down for quite some distance) and constantly being grabbed by parents and ordered to settle down. At the time I found this extremely annoying. What, did they think I was an idiot? I was going to run off the platform into thin air? I was put out at their lack of trust in my perfectly adequate judgement. Of course, twenty-odd years on, I can easilty see that faced with a small child hopped up on its own sense of power and an unreasonable amount of suger I would be grabbing for all my life's worth as well, but as the small child in question I just found it demeaning.