Monday, June 25, 2012

Being A Complete And Accurate List Of Subjects Discussed When Evolutionary Biologists Dine At A Bar At Which They Were Promised Trivia But At Which Trivia Failed To Materialize, Due To Boystown-Wide Pride Related Exhaustion

Trivia failures past and present, a statistical analysis
Animals it would be the most badass to be eaten by (category: the Americas; category: the world)
Laura's high school tutorees; lack of making out with same
Sushi as date food, euphemistically and literally
Childhood height trajectories
Jennifer Lopez; astounding continuing hotness of
Childhood cotton candy eating habits; metaphors thereof
Big Bang Theory, accurateness of
Racial profiles of card games
Old man names (Homer, Earl, all of the 'Berts)
Meta conversation about topics of conversation; birth of this list
Is Tim white? Discuss
Tucker Max, douchebag?
Life history of frat boys: neotany or progenesis?
Whose mom is a babe? (Stacy's mom)
Falcons of Illinois
Horrible names to name your child, specifically, Milfred; appropriate gender of Milfred; appropriate monetary compensation for naming your child Milfred (to be provided by Alice)
Naming practices of Tim ("If I'm ever cursed with offspring I'm just going to throw a dart at a map of Canada. 'Medicine Hat.' 'Thunder Bay.' 'Regina.'")

Monday, June 18, 2012

Saturday Night

Carrie: Calista Flockhart, you know, she has babies with Harrison Ford.
Me: How can she have babies? She doesn't have an ounce of body fat.
Colin: Are you kidding? She's banging Harrison Ford.
Me: Good point.
Carrie: Han shot first?

FOR THE RECORD. I checked, and she has one baby who is adopted. She adopted him before she married Harrison Ford, he subsequently adopted the baby as well.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Birthday Presents

I got many delightful presents this year - a floppy sunhat, an Origin of Species t-shirt, Vanity Fair postcards, Tina Fey's memoirs, whiskey - but the weirdest and possibly best one was a book called The Nuthell Studies of Unexplained Death. Perhaps you have heard of the Nutshell Studies. Here is a New York Times slideshow about them, with some pictures. Basically, they are very detailed, to scale dollhouse crime scenes, complete with little corpses. They were built to help train cops in the 1940s and I believe are still used. They keep them at the Baltimore Medical Examiner's Office. They are beautiful and fascinating and more than a little creepy, and the person who sent the book to me hoped I wasn't offended that they made her think of me (because I like dollhouses and mysteries). I wasn't, by the way. It made total sense. Of course she thought of me.

The Nutshell Studies were built by a Chicago lady named Frances Glessner Lee. I haven't read all the biographical information the book contains yet, but she founded the Department of Legal Medicine at Harvard in 1936. There are a lot of pictures of her, the only woman in a room full of dudes in 1940s suits. She was an impressive lady, and also perhaps she was a little nuts. Interestingly, there was another upper class Chicago woman who spent a lot of time making detailed to scale dollhouse rooms - the Thorne rooms, which are one of my favorite things at the Art Institute.  They are intended to be period replicas - a 13th century French bedrooms, a Victorian sitting room, a 1850's Massachusetts cottage kitchen, etc. They don't have any corpses, or people at all, actually, but I think they should. They decorate them for Christmas. Why couldn't they have a Murder Week where a bunch of the rooms get little corpses? It could be a game - you would have to profile the serial killer as he rampages through time. It would be easy for anyone who has watched a lot of Criminal Minds episodes. (Note: Don't watch a lot of Criminal Minds episodes. They will convince you that everyone you meet may be a serial killer and that you will probably be killed by one of them after being raped and tortured in some horrible fetishistic way.)

Anyway, thanks for the presents, everyone, they are lovely!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Any Party The Cops Show Up To Is A Good Party

A: Theme?
Me: kind of Mexican...but mostly the theme is alcohol
A: That is the best theme of them all